OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
