I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
