Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
