so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
