Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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