is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
