She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
