I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
