Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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