I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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