I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
