Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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