To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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