I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
