so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
