let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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