So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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