My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.