What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom