At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore