Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.