i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The struggles of a small town man whore