just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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