I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
