i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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