I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
