Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
