he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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