The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
