I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
