i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
