She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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