my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
