She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sobbing to NWA
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
