I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
