dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
