He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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