Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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