The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
