Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
