I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
