Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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