New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
