Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
