how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
