Plan B is the new Plan A
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.