You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
