i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.