i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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