U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
