I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
