dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
