Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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