I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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