i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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