i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
