Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
