just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
