ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Boobs are out for the taking
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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