Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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