He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
