I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
