then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
