Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
