I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
