We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
