Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
