Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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