take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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