He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
