did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
