oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
